Colloquium
by jibbsloversunited
Summary: A Jibbsfest where anything goes, as long as it's speech only.
1. Welcome

Welcome to another round of Jibbsfest! There were no prompts this time; the challenge was to write something only in speech.

Unfortunately there were a number of RL commitments this time so we only have two entries.

If anyone is interested in participating in a future round, feel free to introduce yourself on the forum (Forums – TV Shows – NCIS – Jenny&Gibbs – Jibbsfest) or PM me (MissJayne).


	2. Home Sweet Home

Home Sweet Home

_By_ _Fashiongirl97_

"Jethro I swear to God if you are in that man cave of a basement then I am walking out of here right now!"

"I mean it Jethro, I did not spend the whole week in Europe kissing ass to come home and spend the evening in your basement."

"Am I talking to a brick wall? Where the heck are you Marine?!"

"Jeez why did I wear these shoes? My feet are killing me . . . Jethro I'm really not in the mood for games, just please? Where are you?"

"Jenny?"

"He speaks?! Where the hell are you, the house is not even that big for you to hide!"

"Basement."

"Basement-!"

"Jen stop moaning and come down, but be careful in your bare feet."

"How did you know-?"

"They're not exactly silent Jenny, I heard you take them off."

"Where are you probie?"

"I'm coming I'm coming, and I'm not your damn probie Jethro. However one of these days I'm gonna break my neck on these stairs."

"Here, take my hand."

"Thank you, anyway why are you down-?"

"Welcome home Jen."

"What's this?"

"Well Madame Director, these little things are called candles - they give us an amazing thing called light. And this here is a table, and these strange looking things are called chairs. Now, what is on the table is a table cloth, two plates, both with Stake Au Proive, and this, well I think you know what this is, it's bourbon."

"But why?"

"Because Jenny Shepard I have missed you whilst you've been gone. I know I've bee working a lot-"

"You don't have to do this just because you've been working a lot. "

"I did it because I wanted to Jen."

"Thank you, and they say that you don't have a sensitive or romantic side. Wouldn't DiNozzo be proved wrong if he saw this."

"Don't you dare Shepard!"

"I wouldn't want to ruin your reputation Jethro, I will keep it a secret that the big gruff Marine is actually just a soft Teddy Bear deep down!"

"Anyway Gunny, don't I get a welcome home kiss?"

"You can have a lot more than just a kiss."

"But we have a meal to eat, and I wouldn't want it to go cold."

"Hmm."

"Desert comes after the main course Jethro, and anyway, I'm starving. May I sit down or must I stand."

"We can do it standing if you would like Jenny-"

"Food!"

"Spoil sport! You wouldn't have been bothered about the food if we were still in Paris."

"Well maybe I'm getting old Marine."

"You're younger than me!"

"Well you're not spring Chicken!"

"Hey! This is meant to be romantic!"

"It is romantic Jethro, it's the perfect thing to return home to. A candle lit dinner with the man that I love. What more could I ask for."

"Well I was gonna put the bed down here so that-"

"Get your mind out of the gutter!"

"Jenny you have been gone a week!"

"Exactly so a couple more hours won't kill you. Now let me eat."

"Fine..."

"Jen?"

"Hmm?"

"Welcome home."


	3. Snakes in a Squad Room

_Snakes in a Squad Room_

_MissJayne_

"I'm working in a kindergarten."

"...And apparently I'm working in a place where people still need to learn to respect doors."

"A kindergarten!"

"You see, normally people knock on closed doors instead of barging in and complaining at the top of their lungs."

"Ya really think this is the top of my lungs, Jen?"

"No need for the glare, Jethro. I've heard your parade ground yell more than once. When you and DiNozzo are in the squad room and I'm in my office. Although once I was in Abby's lab…"

"There a point to this?"

"Other than my increasing urge to ask Abby to electrify my door, so the next person who touches it gets a very nasty shock?"

"Fine. … You're not asking about the kindergarten."

"Oh, sorry, I forgot, _I'm _the only one capable of conducting a conversation in here. Wait, let me ignore this email to SecNav, take off my reading glasses and give you my full attention."

"Someone's pissed today."

"Wow, I can see why you're a trained investigator."

"Sarcasm doesn't suit you."

"You burst through a door when you knew there was a highly-trained agent with a gun on the other side, and you're wondering why said highly-trained agent might be a little on edge?"

"It's not like you're in the field any more, Jen."

"Old habits die hard. ...so tell me what DiNozzo did this time?"

"What makes you think it's DiNozzo?"

"Isn't it always?"

"Not today."

"Wipe that smirk off your face, Jethro. It doesn't suit you."

"Abby and McGee were having one of their geek talks."

"In the squad room?"

"He's trying to get her to leave her lab more often."

"Aren't we all."

"Abby bought a mercury thermometer with her and left it on the edge of McGee's desk…"

"... and he managed to knock it onto the floor?"

"Got it in one."

"It can't be that bad. I can call Janitorial for you and explain -"

"DiNozzo freaked out."

"_DiNozzo_? I wouldn't be surprised if he inhaled mercury fumes when he was younger."

"Hey! I _played_ with mercury as a kid. Didn't do me any harm."

"And I've got a ninety-four year old great uncle who's chain-smoked every day since he was fourteen and he's fit as a fiddle."

"More sarcasm?"

"No. Whatever gave you that idea."

"Still doesn't suit you, Jen."

"... how bad can DiNozzo freaking at mercury be?"

"He persuaded Abby to clean it up."

"...still can't be that bad."

"Official way to deal with mercury spillage is with sulfur."

"No, still not seeing the problem."

"DiNozzo insisted Abby be _thorough_. She's practically coated the carpet in it."

"... spit it out, Jethro."

"... it stinks."

"Really?! The big bad Marine doesn't like the smell of sulfur?! It's rotting eggs, not rotting bodies."

"Yeah. Still stinks."

"There's nothing wrong with it. In the Far East, they put it across doorways and windows to keep out snakes."

"Does it work?"

"Apparently. So the plus side is you don't have to worry about snakes in the squad room any time soon."

"Why would there be snakes in the squad room?"

"Knowing your team, it's a possibility."

"...yeah."

"So there goes your plan of working until midnight, then wandering back to your basement to drink and work on your boat. Have you ever considered that working on the boat drunk might be why it's taking you so long?"

"You ever tried building a boat in a basement?"

"... you want to come over to mine tonight? I can offer takeout or Noemi's reheated cooking."

"Depends. No sulfur?"

"Not unless Noemi's worried about snakes."

"..."

"It wasn't that bad a joke. Fine, no sulfur."

"See you in an hour?"

"Maybe two? I've got to finish this email then start on this paperwork -"

"You work too hard, Jen. One hour."

"It's generally not considered polite to suddenly walk out of someone's office! And I'm not joking about having my door electrified!"

_A/N: I solemnly swear the bit about sulfur and snakes is true. Or at least that's what my boss tells me, and he spends a month every year in the Far East. Can anyone guess what I may have done a few weeks ago... Hint, my office smells of sulfur._


End file.
